let's makeout let's makeout let's make out let's make out
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
you don't understand, he speaks spanish and is tall. i have to do him.
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Being at this bar with grandma is a real cockblocker
We found a stripper pole in your closet. It seemed like a good idea. Alex will fix the hole in your wall. Sorry.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
The $10 cab ride turned into a $60 cab ride when you puked down the back of his seat trying to whisper in his ear. He was a trooper though, he came into to wash off in the sink and still tried to get your number.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
I woke up in my neighbors backyard with glitter on my teeth and sparklers super glued on my bra. which part was your fault?
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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