She has a concussion we think. Dancing to barbie girl.
No joke. Last we saw of him he was naked and dragging that stupid goat into the bushes.
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I'm fighting fire with fire. When my parents interrogate me about what I was doing last night, I tell them the truth. Every disgusting, awkward detail. I'm 23 now and they need to get used to it.
Brownies hit. And just found beer. And the bill cosby show is on. And its in spanish.
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
How much booze could a drunk brad chug when a drunk brad does chug booze?!?
All. The answer is always all
I'm six Popsicles away from an existential breakdown.
Can we do lunch at 3? I have a blowjob scheduled for 2.
You schedule blowjobs?
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
Oh hello Jordan's parents, I'm here to have sex with your son. He's in the shower? Oh great, I'll join him
He paid for a 5 star hotel suite and I raided the mini bar after he left. I think that’s bad karma. Want some pringles?
my gyno just used the expression "dick around." too far?
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I just took a shot before my midterm. Gotta keep things in perspective.
Randomize
