Courtney? Is that you? I have pictures of this very same night.
i just made an omelette with the cheese and ham from a lunchables. and ketchup packets
julia child would be proud.
can someone explain to me why i woke up under a twister sheet
I'm so used to throwing up its no longer a game of hanging over the toilet. Now it's just 'stand up, aim for the toilet, do my thing' then walk out
After skinny dipping in your pond, I think me and tequila have added a whole new dynamic to our relationship.
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
I just sat watching friends in the bathtub by candlelight...nights like this make me wonder if I ever want to be in a relationship again
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
I wish there was an emoji for sad lady boners
I just watched an intern spill two trays of coffee inside a spinning door
Best exit from a building ever
Idk I've taught my 18 month old how to say nipple so kids aren't all bad
Well, I hope you're having fun. I'm just gonna lay here and wait for death - shouldn't be long now.
I wrote life affirmations on my notes to repeat and read several times a day so I become a better person, see the time on the toilet has been constructive
Hey! Its not the first time I've been eaten out in a bridesmaids dress in a church by a groomsman!
if I hear Wonderful Christmastime one more time I'm putting my foot up Paul McCartney's ass.
Randomize
