dude, the summer is killing me. i just woke up cause my balls were stuck to HER leg!
I was up until 12:30 making that damned grammar test for my freshmen then I caught myself running through the verb tenses when I was giving him head.
"I have sucked, I will suck, I will have suck, I am sucking..." I've never felt more like a nerdier slut than last night.
he asked me if i had ever jacked off high and then referred to it as a "man-to-man question"
I've got 15 minutes to eat dinner and drink a 40. Four years of college has all been training for this moment.
I'don't know who your are but its that time a day. Drunk it up. Did you buy a House for goundhogs days?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I think that's the first time I've heard someone say "this is the safest way of doing things" while holding half a gallon of jagermeister
Convinced lucas all the eggs in the fridge are fertilized and now he's crying.
I've hit an all time low I just sent a boob pict to fat Randall the one I gave a partial bj to a year a a half ago
He's so urbane and sleek; so aesthetically chiseled, having endless features to offer me whenever I desire.
Are you fucking a guy or a condo building?
You were so high that you only FaceTimed me so that you could stare into your own eyes and not actually say anything
If we had a dog do you think we would be less hoe-y?
Nah
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Liz Cheney wasn’t exactly on my list of women I expected to be saying “YAS QUEEN” for in 2021 but here we are
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