I am not having having sex with guys at the moment.
I can pretend to be a girl if you want. I have a tongue.
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
You called me 32 times last night just to tell me you felt a heartbeat in your vagina?
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Just puke out the sadness. Like a fuckin dragon.
I picked up a chick last night on crutches wearing a I am boobman tshirt. I love raves.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
I woke up in my tom cruise outfit with my house key tied to my thong....
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
I mean, it was a fun hookup and he's cute and whatnot, but he wouldn't go down on me. Plus he's a republican. Idk why but those things feel like they go hand in hand.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Oh god. Charles just fell off the bar. Didn't spill his drink. He's come so far..
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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