I mean I can't believe yesterday ended w/ your house getting firebombed. What an unexpected turn of events
I just had my first uncircumcised penis. I kept staring at it like the foreskin was going to fall off on its own.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
She looked at me and said "i like penises." and then passed out with her condom balloon animal in her hands.
Tiny.
I mean tony. It's like autocorrect knows he wasn't well endowed.
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Next time she asks for a ride to her "cousins" house and it turns out to be a booty call we're charging her for each mile.
Don't be too mad at the guy who broke your kitchen table. Didn't get his name, but he knew all about your gay porn career. Like DETAILS...
I think I'm still drunk...I just gave my empty conditioner bottle a break-up speech before I threw it away.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Woke up in the ER with a nurse holding my tongue together inside of my mouth and a shattered jaw, the last thing I remember is opening the 151, care to fill me in?
I've just had two stress filled days in a row , I'm just going to shower and await your penis
The awkward moment when a lady ask you what kind of lipliner you're using, but really I have just finished eating hot cheetos.
Keep your fingers crossed. If I get to go to a Stanley Cup game I'll give you the blowjob he deserves for taking me. Because hes definitely not gettin it.
Randomize
