well that one time I was being a total idiot trying to see how much I could drink. turns out 22 shots is too much. surprise surprise! ambulance party!
dude my little brother busts into my room last night and yells did you know that grandma is hiding scrambled eggs between her legs
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
Even when you're not here I still manage to get pad thai in my vagina
Lmao the neighbor heard yall last night She wanted me to tell you way to finish strong
I said we should get a taxi and you were waving down cars, three of which were cops and one of them slowed down and shook his head then kept driving
He didn't think we needed a taxi
Steve called. He needs me to pick him up. He also asked for a set of his clothes, he can't find them. He is such a strong motivation to stay sober.
GOD DAMMIT TARYN WHY DO WE ALWAYS HAVE TO ROB PLACES IN OUR FUTURE PLANS?!
So do you remember the bartender that caught me when I fell off the bar 4 weeks ago? He hasn't been to work since...Woops.
Have you had sex with a man from New Zealand? No? Then your input is invalid.
when i woke up with 300+ messages I didn't except them to be about coyotes and burning shoes.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
Randomize
