i'm at a stripclub and this bitch just lit her nipples on fire!
i friday night watching house. god, i need a life, friends, and a legitimate fake id.
nothing makes up for a small, perpetually flaccid penis quite like a British accent
There is now a Twilight themed dildo. What do YOU want for christmas??
I hope that he knows just because i pissed in his bed doesn't mean were together.
Just made hot dog dorito pasta. It happened.
the amount of times i have wished for a boxed wine emoticon is almost alarming. almosttt
It took me 6months to figure out that he only had one testicle.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
dude where did you go last night?
when the tequila says to run, you start running.
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
Randomize
