i can't wait to kiss dudes with my vampire teeth in.
Well, I guess that settles the question of how thick the walls are in my building.
We FINALLY fucked. I swear that's the longest I've ever held out for
Umm you met him three days ago....
I said what I said
I want nothing more to get stoned and go to your little sisters petting zoo party but I need to have priorities
U know that drunk state, where at 930 the next morning your sitting in a bath in ur bathing suit trying to sober up...yeah. That's where i am..
FUCK YOU. AH. FUCK BOTH OF US MORE BOOZE.
MAS TEQUILA.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
And I just realized we will be at a strip club when the end of the world is supposed to happen. This is destiny
How was it playing wingman?
I feel like I was rockys coach watching him get the shit beaten out of him by Apollo creed
I think I'm going to give him a welcome back to single life blow job
I know. It was just so disappointing. I almost made it. And now the "when's the last time you peed your pants" clock has restarted. Lol
Weird, Jen didn't know mixers were solely for coloring purposes. Don't call me an alcoholic because you're uneducated
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
My chance to home wreck was right in front of me and I didn’t grab it by the balls
You don't have to buy me dinner, watch tv or even hang out if you don't want. Just fuck.
Randomize
