Are you kidding me. My sex life has diminshed to having wet dreams about jerking off.
After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
yea i really dont care about the sex, i just want him to eat my vag. He has to be good at because of his tremors.
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
He's such a champ. He puked on purpose just so he'd be coherent enough to roll this blunt
I give you full permission to seriously injure me the next time I think it's a good idea to face a bottle of vodka
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
Vodka Vensday. With a Russian accent... It counts.
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
Long story short if you're going to get drunk on a sailboat at night leave your phone in the car.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
you're now officially the 3000 mile booty call. congrats.
Randomize
