you ran down to the water at 3am and rolled in the sand and ran around screaming that you were the corn dog monster.
I woke up next to her this morning and couldn't remember her name. Luckily, she had written it on my hand so that I could add her on facebook.
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
I hereby state that I am over the age of 18. If I am not of age to purchase or consume alcohol products, I hereby acknowledge that I have not received any alcohol products from said party host. Also, in the event of injury or death, said party host is not to be held accountable. Please reply with your full name and today's date for your e-signature". *note: no text, no entry.*
Sorry bro, just a precaution. You know, ever since the "Jake incident". What a douche.
After the nose/jizz incident i think our relationship can handle anything.
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
Nevermind, there are three drinks waiting at the bar for me. I cannot disappoint this alcohol.
That's a good 5 hours of "I have no fucking idea what I did".
Just fyi there is a naked girl somewhere in your house. I woke up and she was gone, definitely left her clothes tho
You were giving me all the reasons why being the big spoon is such a responsibility, and how you wish you were a girl cause the little spoon does nothing
I took the beard trimmer to my balls this morning.\nMuch blood. Much blood from my scrotum.
Once again I let my vagina make the decisions...that and vodka :(
The blunt fell in the hottub, i mean i knew she was upset but i didnt expect her to dive for it and come up balling her eyes out...
When you called me I said did you make it home. You said yeah. Then you said you didn't know where you were. I said you were at home and you said but where. I said you are in the bathroom. Then you said oh, you're so smart lol
Randomize
