Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
I just wiped my face with a slice of bread. Lowest point of the night.
she left out the fact that she had a kid until she told me not to suck on her tits too hard or milk would come out.
Just remember that she is a giant dick-sucking forehead and you are better than that.
WHERE ARE MY FUCKING EYEBROWS?!
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
There is a really great story behind the missing Coco Puffs and vodka mystery
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I still can't believe that I ate McDonald's off of my chest in his bed...
Cross faded me is not the classiest.
No not at all haha I wish there was a picture of that
Life is when you're laying naked in bed, eating Double Stuff Oreos with your boyfriend, blazed as fuck. Happy 4/20.
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
I just woke up drenched in beer, in a puddle of beer, and cuddling a bottle of tequila
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
