There was a fist fight in my basement last night at four in the morning, in case you were wondering
Where are you?
In a non slutty way
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Are you high right now?
is that a question or a drake reference?
We aren't really supposed to respect our bodies til our mid twenties.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
It bothers me when I see my old fuck buddies starting families on Facebook.
Randomize