if i get killed by an online date, its your job to tell my parents that we met at church
Just saw an ad for "Liver-aid" how has this not become a life changing drug for millions?
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Nobody has seen her in 3 days. Should we call the cops or hope this is just another drunk Carmen San Diego game she's playing?
It was my penance. God came down to me in the form of an angel and said, "you must atone for your sins, by puking in your mouth at church right before communion"
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
I can't put those talents on a resume
are you just sitting in your hotel room drinking popsicle vodka?
.....well anything sounds bad when you say it like THAT
You don't even know. The entire marching band thinks I'm an alcoholic.
He had really great hair, but he told me he's been in a psych ward three times. I mean I know I'm a psych major, but that's too much.
Lady Gaga is doing the 1/2 time show. I hope it's gay and liberal as fuck.
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I'm dancing with a sandwich I just made cause I'm so happy how delicious it tastes, that high haha
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
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