I'm too drunk to be surrounded by this many indians
How do you manage to be drunk and a racial minority so often?
Just had a pleasant conversation with a mugger while he was taking off my shoes. Why can't I get along with people like this sober?
The toilet started ringing, I think I just found your phone.
They were greeting people getting off the 48 with green beers and cheers. The one day I decide not to take the bus home...
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Parents weekend was a success.
Yeah, I guess so if you consider being arrested and having your parents bail you out a success...
Bail could have come out of your pocket so yes, I think we were financially responsible this weekend.
i spilled a box of white cheddar cheezits on the bathroom floor about 2 days ago. when i went back to the house he yelled at me from the bathroom: "THANKS FOR THE CHEEZITS, I'll ALWAYS HAVE A SNACK FOR WHEN IM SHITTING NOW!"
Also this guy fingered me at the bar and then gave me his card
And amler is totally snoring loud as fuck sitting on the steps with her feet in a puddle of soda puke
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
You both snapchatted me that. Like, I just got a double dose of penis pastry.
Pants are for mortals
Should I apologize to him for saying I wanted to punch him in the face as I was digging through the trash?
After you punched me you ran away and it took an hour to find you... On the wrong floor... Sitting alone saying "it doesnt make sense"
We lost. I'mma go home and drink more and do a face mask and wonder why it is that god put me on this Earth to suffer
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