I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
he actually proposed, and i threw up on him...i guess 5 glasses of wine was a bad idea.
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Awww. A guy on the train just took his coat off so his girlfriend could throw up into it. Who says chivalry is dead?
i mean, i stole her boyfriend and beat her snake score on facebook within 48 hours. not her week.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
If by "in control" you mean him showing-up to work wasted, calling a customer a "fuckstick," and getting fired on the spot? Then yes, he is.
Alright, who started the "how long till dereck gets deported from Australia" pool? I want in on that.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
I think I just got buffalo sauce on my penis. Is that a turn on or off?
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
The guy in the room next to me just offered to hide the next dose of morphine he will get for his broken leg under his tongue and then swap it with me in exchange for a roll of the good toilet paper my parent brought for me last they visited. The psych ward is a lot more hardcore than I thought.
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