Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
her face looked like how i feel after Taco Bell
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
He managed to tell me he was blind in one eye and convince me to have sex with him in the same conversation. It's love.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
You are literally throwing a tangerine right now. Beer pong is not played this way
On that note if you see a hobo smiling with a pack of cigarettes and an AMP energy drink, that was my good deed for the day
He said I was almost as good as the wheel chair sex he had the night before. Apparently I just cant compete with 4 wheels
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
What did you two do last night and why did Sam send me a picture of your dick?
i need to put some appletini on your dick
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
the most terrified I've ever been was seeing Danny Devito squirming on the ground in this underwear, covered in hand sanitizer, completely hairless
It occurred to me today, whilst I was on the phone to boyfriend number 1, whilst in the car with boyfriend number 2 who was dropping me at the shops to meet boyfriend number 3 to help me buy a present for boyfriend number 4 that I should be having much more sex than I am.
he had a cock ring. i orgasmed before he even put it in
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