the power's out. i'm smoking weed by flashlight
i wish i was dedicated to anything like you are to weed
DAMN! I hate it when i drunkenly erase all my "sent message" and wake up in the morning and my inbox is full of "WTF?" and "Huh?" messages.
And then he asked the cop "shall i shut off the lady gaga?" as he was being frisked.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Just because he's a soilder doesn't mean his dick is a hero.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
You were sitting in the tub, clothed, squirting my KY all over yourself. You said "it's warm." then passed out.
I got up before the sun today. That makes me sun for the day.
When did you start smoking in order to be high by 4:30?
I woke up and he was starring at me and then said "do you believe in miracles"?
According to the red cross, I'm not suppose to do anything strenuous for the next 24 hours. That means you're on top.
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
Why did I wake up in bed with the ironing board and a Mariah Carey mask? Vodka hates me
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
I s2g I’m about to get ghosted by a 34 yr old and my Oedipus complex cannot take it
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