I wish Morgan Freeman narrated my life.
I woke up this morning to 4 booty call texts. So i am trying to find the sign that says i like to sit on cocks so that i can take it off.
trust me, i wonder where that sign is on a daily basis.
i just ordered an al pacino with double mocha at starbucks.. i'm waiting to see how long it takes the chick to realize what i said.
I just masturbated into a dress sock. I feel fancy
aparently we are going to have sex infront of her friend. ill call you tomorrow
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
We had break up sex twice. He said one was cause he had to say goodbye to both tits.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I rode a bull tonight, There is absolutely no reason my dick is not in some chicks mouth
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
There are 27 signatures on my ass. What the hell happened last night?
Every time someone made a cup you congratulated them by letting them sign your ass.
Fucken Tweens. They smelled like cotton candy and hand jobs my nostrils were offended.
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
I told him I'd ride his broomstick if he let me call him Harry Potter and drew a lightning bolt on his forehead.
We fucked like animals on that lion king beanbag chair that your mom got you for your 10th bday
Randomize
