Oh KT! There was no tea in those Long Islands...
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
I just want you to know IcyHot in the ear is weird. Don't ask.
Trying to figure out if I'm the second dude she hooked up with yesterday. I feel like a consolation prize
The mass text at 3:12AM offering "free scrotum tastings" will have repercussions
her roommates boyfriend drunkenly walked in on us banging and said yeeeeaaaaaahhhh and tried to high five me
dude, I feel like I need to get my gf's roommate a gift. something that says, sorry you walked in on me getting blown. suggestions?
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Everyone is drunk but me. Fantastic. Everyone is hooking up but me. Awkward.
I had a pitcher of margaritas. Now I'm in a laundry room being a 5th wheel and crying. I made myself a bed out of a pool floatie. I win.
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
Exactly. This is the bit where I learn a heartwarming lesson about not making my drinks half vodka
If we tried baptizing you I feel the water would start boiling around you.
I just realized that you're going to be drunk for daylight savings time again. Godspeed.
... Okay, fine. But I don't want to be a better person tonight. I'll be a better person tomorrow.
Hypothetically speaking, if a girl asks you to fuck her wearing only your hockey helmet, is that socially acceptable?
Randomize
