in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Wow, being the totally hot and slutty looking 30 year old lady on the dance floor does NOT necessarily mean that she has skills in bed.
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
when she said she's going upstairs to put her "play clothes" on, I knew either she was a pervert or a kindergarten teacher. Either way, I wasn't going to leave. She's a pervert by the way.
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Hey for future reference vodka can not be substituted for water when shaving your legs
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
i had to sit with a fan pointed directly to my vag for a good 10 minutes
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
I mean I sucked his dick at 3 AM... UNDERWATER. I think I have earned a follow back on twitter.
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
I'm not saying I love you. I never said I love you. I said that if earth blew up like Krypton you'd be the only person I would like to have inside me when our bodies burn up in a fiery inferno
My life is just a trash fire of work and Japanese video games now
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
Randomize
