Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
So he just rolled over in his sleep and said "that's a punctuation mark..."
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
I just sent a friend request to someone saying that i was the girl he shared a fifth of jager with last week. Thats something special. He better accept.
He asked me if I could call his penis destroyer... Uhh SOS.
KETAMINE SUNDAYS ARE SERIOUSLY FUCKING ME UP!
I blacked out after running into my soc TA in the beer garden. came to dancing on the speakers at major lazer and making out with said TA.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Dude. That Grinch had his priorities right when he was worried that there might be a cash bar at that town celebration.
He said he'd prefer a photo rather than discuss politics, I sent him a snapchat "conservative shorts 4 conservative man". He said "be liberal"
he can suck his own dick, i cant compete with that
First poop in my apartment for the summer, officially settled in. :)
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
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