My T9 Word has dryhumped saved but I can't even get it to figure out bbq.
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
When he came he sounded like a flock of birds hitting puberty
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
Soooo, if his status went from married to single and he deleted all the pictures of his kids does that mean he's up for dibbs?
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
This is that think about life weed. Thank god I'm in American lit this semester. I can actually write papers in this vat of introspective stoned.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
I'm dipping store brand pepperoni pizza in bacon flavored ranch dressing. Obesity tastes so good.
Apparently I was drunk enough to call he police station and ask if there was a problem with me.
fuck you I'm eating salad I can't be drunk.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
While the cops were busting my party one of them said. O you have an Xbox? Do you play online? Whats your gamertag?....
try to milk me bitch
Randomize
