I Once took so much Ecstacy that I tried to hug a fire.
Who tried to make mustard cubes with the ice cube tray?
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
his penis was crooked so i rode him at an angle. he seemed used to this.
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
I just fucked a rockette. This would have been amazing a week ago.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
Dude I still wanna know who I had sex with on new years eve
I spent three hours in the ER last night to figure out that my friend just had to take a shit
I'm spring cleaning all of the fuck boys out of my life.
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
ARE YOU FUCKING KIDDING ME! I SAID I WANTED SOMEONE CLASSY AND INSTEAD YOU SET ME UP WITH A GUY THAT JUST TOLD ME HIS FAVORITE PLACE TO FUCK IS ON HIS SWAMPBOAT “THE SLAMHOG!”
I DON’T WANT TO FUCK IN A SWAMP
First of all, his AIR boat is named “Slam Hog” not “The Slamhog.” Second, it’s top of the line. Third, don’t dismiss swamp sex before you try it!
it is time to test the effects of half a loaf of bread and overconfidence on the human body
Randomize
