just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
You know what, matt, a girl is not really that interested in a relationship if she goes down on you the first time she meets you
He had a huge mole on his dick. Genetics has cockblocked him for life.
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
Why can't it ever be the normal ones that stalk me?
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Open the door and I will lure them out to freedom with viagra and candy orange slices. You know they love that shit.
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
It was pretty awesome. I drank out of a stein and attempted to dance to dubstep with some older guys in leiderhosen.
Can you explain to me why I showed my boobs to the firemen to get free beer?
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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