closing bar tabs have helped me with simple math in college.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
well judging by the amount of dired blood around my nipple rings i'm gonna assume it was a good night
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Everything's a blur with pockets full of jello
Me and a 30 year old man are sitting in my bathtub in swimsuits drinking straight rum from the bottle. Don't tell me how fucked up your Christmas is.
Not much. Some creepy guy on Grindr thinks he knows who I am and where I live. So I sent him to that place with jockstraps and bacon. Hope he has fun.
Nah, he's definitely here somewhere. Whether he survived the night or not is your problem, but I'm pretty sure he's around.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Dude, you were tagged in a stripper FB selfie. That is a whole new level of something.....
Then a third Canadian I didn't know showed up to the hotel room at like 3am. I let him sleep in our bed because he had pizza.
There was nowhere else for me to go. I'm like the island of misfit toys but I'm hot.
Interesting. All i can really say is humanoid shaped doritos bags melting very slowly
Randomize
