I'm not to broken up about it. Our relationship was worse than a coldplay song.
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
but i have a bet that her boyfriend is going to try and deflower her tonight so i better get a move on if i want to videotape it
Well the party says they're going to have three kegs and four trampolines. I think I'm going to invite my EMT buddies just to be safe.
The last thing i remember was high fiving everyone on the planet.
My Bio teacher gave me extra marks for putting "deer with AK-47 seeking retribution" at the top of the food chain on my exam. 51% pass here i come!!
I feel like the devil slapped me in the face with his dick.
Birthday success
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Your actions as of last night have earned you over thirty new nicknames.
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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