Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
After last night I still want u
But please keep that on the DL
My poor mother should have just stuffed me back up her vagina when she had the chance.
his blackberry tasks were 1. take names and 2. kick ass
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
You drunkenly promised dick pics on your way out the door and then never delivered. I don't know how I'll ever be able to trust you again.
Accomplishment of the day: changing my tampon at 38,000 ft with turbulence. Fasten seatbelt sign was definitely on.
Rome wasn't built in a day - my bedroom skills weren't obtained in some boring monogamous relationship. Same thing. Right?
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
She made me pour olive oil on her.
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
You realized your blanket was a snuggie, spread your arms, and yelled "tonight I sleep like jesus!"
Do you remember telling those ppl that they need to mate and give you the baby and in 15 years you will all reunite and it will be a party?
Randomize
