I have funfetti in my underwear...will you come get me?
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
It just sucks seeing everyone get flowers but me...
yeah, but they die. it takes a while, but they die. just like all of these kids relationships will. tequila doesnt die. its a live in the moment thing... like a valentines day one night stand. so long run, tequila is the better gift.
I think you're asking the wrong person. You don't understand. Like I would fuck the act of fucking itself if I could.
The dry cleaners wouldn't even take our clothes. That's how bad of a night it was.
I can trace it back to that drunken night where we peed on each other in the shower.
he tried to convince me he was a seal.. sound effects included. and then asked me to 'be his lady seal'.
The only way I could get him to agree to hook up with her is telling him I'd hook up with him next week.
I sent him a naked picture of me with the caption "I lost at beer pong, this was a dare. Hope your nights going as good as mine" I've never talked to him in my life, this is a strange way to start.
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
Well. At least he's a gentleman. A gentleman satanist.
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
Seriously, you just banged the guy that wishes his dog happy birthday on fb. That's fucking adorable!
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
Randomize
