If Rob Pattinson gets another fucking MTV award, I'm going to vomit.
Herpes is a lot like Arnold Schwartzenneger. Because it always comes back. Also, because it is usually in some way in control of California.
only if we run a train.
done.
so I ended up banging her last night
dude I remember her. You sure it was a her?
i don't even remember
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
it was like he was trying to blow his nose in my vagina
You two kept repeating the same thing over and over. It was like looking after retarded pull-string dolls.
Apparently someone switched my cash for monopoly money after midnight so I couldn't get any more drinks at the bar
He just showed me a video of his erect penis moving to the beet of the music when he was high, I think I'm in love.
You've been drinking wine and eating bacon all afternoon. HOW IS THAT DOING GOOD?!?!
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I dunno what the deal was, but you spent about an hour trying to put your phone charger in the outlet and you were yelling "one plug to rule them all"
Hella random but just hear me out...A bar that is a petting zoo. Bitches love petting zoos.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Randomize
