just come out here and I will go home with you...
Make note: the first date is too soon to make the "condoms are only for making balloon animals" joke.
I just tried to unlock my house with the car remote
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
You tried to call "time out" during the sobriety test.
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
Tomorrow may or may not be a problem cause i'll be wonder woman for a halloween party aka i'll be fucked up & try & jump off of shit thinking i can fly
We were sitting outside of the building and he literally just walked up with no pants on. This is the best college ever
And all i could do was bury the part of me that felt guilty for cradle robbing and put on my dick swallowing bib.
You'd think it'd be fun living next door to a guy whose neck you once licked. Surprise, it's not.
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
Don't know where this pizza came from but i got breakfast in bed
Randomize
