Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
This bar is like a mediocre whore house....but free
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
We had literally Just finished having sex when he handed me a plan B and said he lied about wearing a condom.
Yeah, I think they knew. I smelled like that telltale combination of strippers and Easter.
There are apples in the microwave and a cup of twigs in the fridge. I think she's hiding in the pantry, I can hear her giggling. Leaving her to it.
Do I need to take a photo of my sister's enlarged and disgustingly dark nipples to scare you into protection? DO I?
Why am I always the sober one?
Cause you're the only one with any sort of self control. It's kinda your super power...
A gentleman never tells..... therefore i will neither confirm nor deny the attatched photos
My arrest report says I was found in midtown "performing lewd and lascivious acts on top of art meant for public display and enjoyment".
He is currently in a meeting and I am sexting him in Italian
And he's using Google translate to reply. Who says cross country relationships can't be fun?
I love how you sexted me before you told me happy birthday. Thank you.
He threw me over his shoulder and carried me outside, all the while drinking from the bottle of rum he was holding, while my ex watched. I'm winning the break-up.
wow, being home for Xmas is freaking weird on tinder. I went to high school with everyone I'm matching... The fact that this many jocks like me now is a huge ego boost from my lack of glory days.
...and I'm done. I just matched two boys I used to babysit without realizing it.
I just want to sit my fat ass down at McDonald's and never leave
Randomize
