When I woke up his cat was sleeping on my face and i had scratch marks on my neck. not happy.
only room for one pussy in that bed.
at 4 in the morning i heated a family sized mac n cheese for a minute and decided to eat it frozen cuz I didn't wanna wait for that long
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
There is a guy standing at my bar right now wearing an affliction SUIT. I can't wait on him.
You told him your wedding ring was part of your costume. not okay!!
I just bought a CD. I feel like a traitor to my generation.
Night out in new white coat = success. Offered free breast exams all night, two took me up on it, woke up with one. I love medical school!!!
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
Nobody knew what to do when it was dead. You said fire up the George Foreman, I've never ate baby shark. She hasn't stopped crying.
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
so much tequila, so little girl.
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
No way hahaha I have zero intention of adding him I wanna just join in on a three some but mostly just be there for moral support and snacks
I'm glad I didn't see Grandma stumbling drunk and peeing herself...it would be like seeing my future.
Randomize
