i hate having sex with him only a few drinks in. i like it better when i cant remember the gory details.
Would it be too much if i wore depends to new moon so i dont miss any of it?
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
So high. I just took a picture of my chewed gum so I can remember to paint a picture of it as a cloud later.
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
He was going nice and slow, then he yelled " BOONNEESTOORRMM!!!!!". I can't walk straight.
You bit the bartender when he refused to poor rum in your purse and hand you a straw.
He's blaming gravity for his problems right now, so put that in perspective
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
He pointed at me, then leaned in and said "shes the best at blow jobs" then chris fist pumped him and said "dude, I know"
There's a dryer on fire at the laundromat, and everyone's just standing around taking pictures. Except me. I'm texting.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
And on the 323rd day without sex, God finally said let there be light...or love?
Lesson Learned: It's not a party until someone pisses their pants.
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