You kept hiding marshmallows in the freezer saying "they would never think to look here"
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
You did not just nickname me "Nipples".
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
we drove through mcdonalds and ordered everything on the dollar menu. We told the workers that were making Super Size Me 2, drove away without paying and told them to bill our producer.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
Mark is going to get hypothermia. he is shirtless eating snow bc he "doesnt want to be dehydrated" tomorrow. youre in charge.
I woke him up this morning and said I have a meeting w my advisor in an hour you need to wake up, cum on my face, and take me to my car.
Just showered now I smell like berries instead of shame
How do I tell her I need the lights out when I'm getting head because she and my mom share a perm color
Tried to make hash outta one of those keurig machines. I don't know why. Maybe the drunkenness, but now I have mushy bud and no ganja
For the past year I have been the most responsible I have ever been in my entire life and now spring break is here and there is free penis just traipsing around my entire town. The game is afoot.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
oh my god you are days, if not hours away from a dick pic. This is the day the lord has made rejoice and be glad in it
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