oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
I had to put my glasses on last night to watch porn. SO getting lasik with my tax returns this year.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
If shame burned calories, I'll be back to my birth weight by the end of this weekend.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
If he shows up in a "mount n dew" me shirt im throwing him to the lesbians
I mean, he's 40, foreign, artsy but with substance abuse problems and estranged children. How is he not my type?
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Your babysitter texted, wants me to pay with weed. I don't know where to get any & don't want to. Will she take cigarettes instead? Or um, cash? Like a person?
No? The only contact I've had with him for months was when I drunk texted him from Costa Rica to say that all jazz sounds the same
That was the first time ive ever slept with a girl with a q in her name
Randomize
