covered in glitter, my cheek hurts, and theres a handprint on my face. Would i do it again. Absolutly
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
Whoa!!! Accidentally took a dump in chick's bathroom at Red Robin. 1 hr for coast to be clear. Women's farts sound like geese taking last breath. Liars.
the amount of blow i got, New years should last a week.
This soccer player girl is eating this banana WAY to slow. Too early for penis shaped foods.
I just peeled a layer of cum off my eyelid. Don't even tell me that's not why you came over
And you kept repeating "I didn't know know that this was a no blow job zone."
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Quote of the night award goes to my father "I like wearing my swim trunks around the house because they are cooler and more blousy for my balls". Yay dad
My penis needs a shock collar
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
I spend so much of my life shaving my body hair off and I want nothing more than his beard in all my hairless places.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
I still dont see how i drunkenly impressed your mom
Randomize
