so i'm just gonna leave my credit card in your mailbox so you can bail me outta jail.. deal?
you called me at 4 am to tell me you found the cracker barrel location where we'll have lunch next week
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
They sext over her pic comments. Role playing as wolves.
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
No work today. I woke up and someone had written "Markhot Penis = Party" on my forehead in sharpie. Do you know a Mark?
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
My roommate told me he found me naked in the shower puking and when he asked why I was naked I said "you can't wear clothes in a shower"
There was a clear and well defined point last night where I could've decided to go home but no now I've woken up with glitter all over my nuts and potentially an std or 2
Serious question: is he hot or is my vagina just that barren?
BOOM BITCH SERVES YOU RIGHT I HOPE YOU SHIT YOURSELF PETER PAN
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
Randomize
