if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Highlight of my evening, pile of books falling onto me in front of people
drunk sex in a shower = bad idea broken arm
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
Woke up this morning in a randoms bed clutching an airplane ticket. God I hope I'm still in the country
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
When one is stoned and browsing online dating profiles all men sound like serial killers.
I feel that it is my duty to the human race to invent a colon squeegy
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Are sex swings allowed in dorms
What alcohol should i drink Saturday to completely hate life?
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
