You probably havent been upstairs if you think that the microwave missing its door is bad
Weird. Haha. I guess taking advice from batman is a good idea.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
she hid the dish soap because she was afraid someone would confuse it with the margaritas and drink it instead. her reasoning was "theyre both soo pink...i cant tell them apart"
There was a dismembered bleeding penis in my dream last night. That's some serious Freudian shit.
He got violent drunk so we have to untie him in the morning. He's in your basement and you're out of electrical tape. Don't forget because I will.
He was all like, "I think ur the one that got away and I miss you." I replied, "I gave u a hand job once in your hot tub. No need to wax nostalgic about it."
He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."
We fucked in his mom's shower and all I could think about was being too old to be sneak banging while someone's mom was out of town and how much mildew was on the shower curtain. Fuck you, Adulthood.
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
He seems like a lot more than a waste of tequila
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
He sent me a dick pic for every page I had to write for final papers (87) & brought me adderall. Tell me that isn't romance.
He came on my face and he was genuinely concerned about getting it in my hair. I'm marrying him.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
Randomize
