you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
you googled "nude photos of celebrities you wouldn't expect to have nude photos", puked into the beer bong, and then laughed
i just lost my virginity for the 9th time. when will guys stop believing that nonsense line
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
in respone to your voicemail you left me on saturday, yes i had gone to bed and no i was not still drinking at 5am
Don't worry about it. Anal sex isn't always sunshine and wildflowers.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
You told the cashier at McDonald's not to smell the ones cause you had just got back from the strip club. Good deed.
Step 1: chug a red bull vodka with no ice Step 2: chase that with a shot of wild turkey Step 3: chase that with a shot of tequila
Step 4: your drunk
My mother is even happier about me having a sugar daddy than I am
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
I remember walking into a bathroom stall that had a couple fucking in it and giving them a condom and a thumbs up and then leaving
woke up this morning to a baggy full of adderall and two redbulls..i'm gonna marry this guy one day
We are bad people. This is why we are friends. <3
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