the bus pole looks like a man who feels guiltyty about something
Remember that sex scene from American Psycho?
Ya, why?
We should try that some time.
i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
I jacked off with the cucumber and then made that fatass a salad.
and after you realized your puke was bright blue, you started crying hysterically and screaming, "I DON'T WANT TO BE A SMURF!" no more uv blue for you.
I just got a drinking merit badge from a slutty girl scout
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
2 men making out for 2 seconds to trick a cop so they don't get arrested for being pulled over rolling a blunt is not gay.
I swear to god he's making pineapple onions and cheese. He thinks he's making eggs onions and cheese
The time stamp on this text message is reason enough alone to not leave me unsupervised
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
And change of plans today, I'm gonna lay in bed and eat taco bell and try not to die. Brazilians another day.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Our conversation went from you choking me to my quarter life crisis reeeaaalllll quick.
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