My parents took my cat for a ride in the car. Second weekend in a row. They think its fun. Dear God
I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
I'm going to have to start sleeping with my keys taped to my stomach.
Remember that time I tried to pierce your nipples while high... it's like that, only with more blood... and less nipples
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
My pants are like a grocery bag containing ONLY jelly beans right now.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
I made it crystal clear I'm only upset because he's not anywhere fit to be a father of my unborn zygote
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
Maid of honor screwed up the joke so I just got to explain what a strap on is and why a married lady might want one to Grandma and my brother's wedding shower.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
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