No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Stop. You don't mean that. Tequila might mean that. But you don't mean that.
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
He kept moaning America instead of Erica while fucking me.
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
This bowl of cereal would be the size of a giant's bowl-piece. It's. that. big.
How much did you smoke??
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
I have just gotten home. I saw a lot of penis tonight. On a trampoline. Shit got weird.
They should really start adding the average cost of day drinking to our cost analysis sheets. Does FAFSA cover this? No. It doesn't.
He wouldn't let me leave his house until he made me orgasm once for every year I've been alive. The birthday sex song did not prepare me for this.
im not trying to sound dramatic, but im covered in microwavable lasagna
I think we need to have a day of drinking in classes. I know we don't share any, but sacrifices need to be made.
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
Yesterday I febreezed my bed in between gentleman callers
It’s bad enough my brother slept with half of the sorority this year, but now he’s lifeguarding at the club and every divorcée and cougar in town is asking me for his number. My twin is a manwhore and I’ve become his pimp.
Randomize
