Already got asked if we're dating
My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
Last night i was so high that i came home and did a taste test of every vitamin water and wrote theyre grade down on paper.
He DELETED brick breaker off his blackberry why even bother trying to find something in common?
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
I'm way to drunk for this play. I'm about to run up on stage and drop the main character
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
As I am reading this. I'm standing in my underwear eating taquitos. I'm saying this in the most loving way possible: FUCK OFF.
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
You just missed an honest to god bukkake
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I had to say goodbye to one of my fuck buddies last night. He's voting for Trump, we shouldn't be doing it anyways.
Randomize
