alone in the kitchen at 4 am eating a hotdog.
so i slept on a park bench last night...no hobo
This needs to stop. I just vacuumed the wall. Adderall is a double edged sword.
If a video of someone that looks like me banging that chick on the hood of her car in some parking lot suddenly shows up on the web... let me know, I gotta see how that turned out.
What's life without a lamp shade you wore home?
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
Just saw a dude walk out of the parking. Garage in a diaper and tutu. He had a handle in one hand and a toy bow in the other
LOL its 11 am
I got another blow job proposal last night. Skills.
Some old chick is rubbing my thigh and saying she needs some Memorial Day dick. Her teeth are kind of gross but I'm going for it.
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
and then I partied with my new dealers deaf pit bull. All around a good night I'd say...
how don't worse things happen to you?
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Dude, you screamed I AM THE WALRUS while giving a statue of Ronald McCdonald a lapdance. You were NOT sober.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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