I cant believe I just managed to do a drug deal across the country for you...
I felt weird they were both staring at me waiting for the scoop on how your vagina felt.
It's sore actually
Last night we hooked up in nothing but out UK shirts during half time. Never say I'm not a dedicated fan again.
I need to keep friends like you around just in case hell grades on a curve.
Just bought myself a coach diaper bag. I thought it would be perfect for school. the baby bottle holders are where i'm gonna put my booze
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
these girls were driving down the road screaming "SHOT!!" out the windows and pelting potatoes at passerby.
i got hit in the ear.
Yea I saw a friend of yours carrying your limp body somewhere
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
STONER SAFETY TIP: don't use the driver's side vanity mirror to check how red your eyes are while you're driving. it won't work. trust me.
Interesting occurrence: the application I use to keep track of my periods and sexual encounters just notified me it had been over 4 months since you were logged as an active partner and ask if I'd like to remove you from my options. Wow, kmsl.
I promised her before I left that I'd make good choices and then got drunk and fucked my best friend and her boyfriend.
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
Randomize
