i wish i could just hire someone to go down on me every night until i fall asleep
you'll be glad to know I got kicked off the microphone at a bar in Breckenridge last night thanks to my country rendition of all star
i actually have a tan line from him holding my boob while we were sunbathing
he told me he was watching a movie and he'd be over later and i asked how long. he said 8 inches give or take. you cease to amaze me with the guys you set me up with.
No it's cool, He's been doing my English papers in exchange for lap dances since the eleventh grade. We're very professional.
I feel like every picture I upload of him on facebook where you can see his purity ring, I should make the caption "something in this picture does not belong"
She wouldn't put out on the first date. I think my boner put a hole in my mattress.
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
How do I figure out the name of this sleeping naked guy in my bed?
Word to the wise, never look up your hot young doctors on Facebook before you're discharged. You will find things and no longer be able to take them seriously.
Randomize
