if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
from now on when you get up to pee in the middle of the night, check to see if im sleeping in your parking lot.
i do.
at the topless march for equality..and wow.not all these boobs should be treated equally
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
A girl pulled up next to me at a stoplight just now, looked around for a second, and then changed her top, bra and all, before the light turned green. New. Hero.
Why did my little sister call me from your phone this morning?
Things like this can't be explained over text man
The shit I just took was my body's way of telling me bourbon and mixed nuts aren't an appropriate dinner. Well played, colon. WELL. PLAYED.
I have a bandage in my ass crack. In. My. Ass. Crack.
Currently tripping balls and watching Pink Floyd the wall and I'm crying during it. If this isn't a self realization then I don't know what to tell you.
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
whose shirt was i wearing?
his little sister's
what was she wearing
a feather boa and 6 inch heels
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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