thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
please stop telling ppl youre Alice Cullen when youre drunk
it took you forty minutes to realize it was a gay bar.
I can always tell its time to do laundry when my vibrator doesn't stay covered up in my sock drawer.
you know you made out with my sister while holding Ur girlfriends hand while she was puking in the toilet right
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
we told you you couldn't get your dick sucked because you were a girl and you yelled at us and said we were 'discriminating you'
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
I turn 40 next week. I deserve to celebrate the end of my 30’s with a 21 year old dick
Randomize
