She'll never know what hit her
I dunno. Girls tend to recognize ball-to-chin contact.
I'm at subway, this 8 year old kid is judging my fashion sense with his dad. I want to kill myself.
It's ok, he's just 8, he's not judging you.
He just asked why I'm sitting alone. I honestly want to cry.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
i gave you head in a backbend. if that doesnt say happy birthday i dont know what does.
This is ridiculous. It's like playing possible STD Clue, and I don't want to be the winner.
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
i'm half naked talking to a cat. you don't have to justify your life to me.
Someone fucked up, the stop Kony day is on 4/20,
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
I am in the bathroom at work, pooing while eating pretzels. Hungover Fridays are in full effect
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
Dont judge the spank bank, just be happy that you were deposited there.
He told me that after two hours of fucking he feels as though his dick wants to detach from his body and go to Mexico..
Randomize
