we had that weird still in bed morning after conversation. Her dad is the vp of my company.
mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
A French guy bit my cheek. Is that sexy there? Also had to threaten to stab the bus driver. I'm not sure I like Europe.
We can't be fuck buddies. You stare into my eyes while we fuck.
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
So I vote that we skip the bowling and just go straight to destroying our livers.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
I knew it was going to be a good night when my mom said "Have fun, be safe...wait, do you need any weed for tonight?"
If there is a heaven, that's what it will be. Bagel Bites and cunnilingus.
I just peed on a rich man's lawn fuck yeah America
You took acid last night and I’m up early to go to the grand opening of a new TJMaxx by my house. We couldn’t be more perfect.
Remember that gum I swallowed 3 days ago? I just threw it up.... whole.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
Look, if it comes down to it, I’m spraying whipped cream on your nuts
Randomize
