remember earlier when I said I was over sex with random boys? take it back take it back take it back
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
He was trying to be aggressive in bed, but in reality, it was like watching a declawed cat try to climb a curtain. They WANT it, they just can't DO it.
I found a lucrative side business - giving rides home to drunk oil executives. Very profitable.
I just spent a pre-4th of july celebration riding in a raft being towed by a car through a town that I've never heard of handing out flyers for a river rafting company that I never knew existed. Good night.
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
whose parrot is this?
She said she was hoping I'd be hotter. I told her I didn't see anybody standing in line to titty fuck her either. She was a great kisser.
There is a video on my phone of me suckling a bag of wine from your crotch area while you say "The Body of Christ" in a Michigan accent. I vaguely remember being offended by this yet I did it anyway.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
WHY DID YOU DRUNK DIAL MY MOM?!
Because mine was sitting on the bar stool next to me...
My boss just offered me a vodka mixed drink at work I do not have a real job
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Randomize