Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
So I just used shazaam to figure out a pairs figure skating song. I don't think I could get any gayer.
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
Do you knowwwwww you never ha to pee while lhr on eztacy
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
But apparently I got kicked in the head by a stripper at some point
You asked me if you had to go downstairs to get upstairs. And then you forgot where you were.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
Calm the fuck down fatty, you can add creme de menthe to a vanilla shake any time of the year
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
Don't worry you weren't as drunk as you thought. You only fell 4 times.
It stopped being casual for me when I waxed my vagina for you
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
Randomize
