i just ate something from under my fingernail. i dont know what it was, but it tasted half decent
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
She just got back from rehab. You dont celebrate that with margaritas.
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
It's almost summer. We need to start reconnecting with our home drug dealers.
I don't want end up bound and gagged in the back of a van headed for rehab. Bound and gagged OK. Just not the rehab part.
You kept spitting the skittles out cause you said they tasted like "balls of sandpaper"
I wish I could go back in time 3 years and tell my freshman self how easy it is to hook up with freshmen
Found your dick twin last night
They evidently had to pull his penis out of me while we were passed out on the floor.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
WAIT MOM THIS DOESNT NEED TO BE A FAMILY EVENT OK AARON DOESNT NEED TO BE AROUND FOR NIPPLEGATE 2014
I'm now forever going to blame miss frizzle for making me the sexual deviant that I am today
there are LEGIT cum stains on my ceilling. ON THE CEILLING!! you tell me how the relationship was.
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