i found the vodka. it was hiding in the orange juice.
ok now this is the second time he's reffered to recieving a blow job as 'getting his pee pee sucked'
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
Woke up. Made a pizza. Burnt it. Going back to bed cuz today sucks
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
You better wipe the dick of your lips before you come smoke this blunt.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
Sorry, I was watching the Olympic story about the Canadian guy and drinking out of the prescription bottle and crying because it was so beautiful.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Randomize
