party is dying down. we just wrote whore in the yard with gas. Photos to come.
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I was high enough to think chocolate sauce on bagel bites was a good idea
i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
I just showed my tits to my brother on chatroulette. Could my life get any worse?
I want him to be my next love. So I'm taking it slow
As in ill only blow him next week
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I just pictured my inhibition personified as little pink piggies with wings flying off into the great wide nowhere hahaha
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My dad is clearly baked off his ass. He almost sat on moms cat in front of her, zoned out while staring at it and said he wondered what it was thinking about. Now he's dragging everything from the livingroom into the garage. Moms not happy.
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
But yeah, I am thinking that "Cake Heresy" will now be a thing
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
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