whats the name of the jew you used to have sex with that lives on evergreen?
be more specific...?
my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
a lot of self evaluation comes after you have to clean up a trashcan of your own vomit and condoms
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
I'm in this weird masturbatory haze making onion rings. If you want to come over we can eat these suckers and play TF2.
Why don't we hang out more often?
probably one of the worst weekends ever... i got peed on by his sleepwalking roommate.
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
It takes a special friend to go vibrator shopping with
Yes. It does.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
I just wrote a self loathing message to self, wrapped my credit card in it, put it in an envelope, sealed it with another hate messame, and put it in my lock box. So. That's where I'm at.
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
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