You screamed 'pound me, you big thick stud.' I looked around for porn cameras.
Shut up. I did not.
I really wish I was making that up.
I think I'm pregnant with his hipster baby. It keeps kicking my stomach to the beat of mgmt songs.
i ate 2 chicken nuggets and puked out 5. that doesn't even make mathematical sense
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
His whole family saw that I had cum in my hair once they turned on the blacklight at the bowling alley. You should have seen his mother's face.
We started snorting MDMA at 3 in the afternoon...it was never going to end well.
i threw up in a box in my own lap driving today.
He chucked my pickle at the bouncer. Fucker, I wanted that.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
You put your finger on my lips and told me 'the butt is nature's pocket'.
I don't remember that at all, but I stand by what I said
Then he started caressing my eye brow. Like repetedly. For at least 15 minutes. It was strangely mesmerizing
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So adding to the list of things my boobs can do, sweeping with a broom is apparently a thing.
I am going to bedazzle the shit out of your Basilisk costume.
Randomize