i think my tv is drunk
why is every porn film shot in the same house? with the same red couch!?!
What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
i found a dude playing guitar on the portapotty
She needs to learn what's it like to have sex with someone and regret it the next day.
He told me he wanted to break up so he could get "closer to God."
Does God suck his dick?
Dude its 315 and I'm sitting here eating slices of cheese. Don't talk to me about tomorrow.
took 4 advil with a shot of vodka, figure i'd try to save myself now
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Ok now I cleared out half the bar and Em and I have 5 Jameson shots lined up for you. You have 15 min.
He ate me out while I was wearing a tiara.... I think I could get used to this
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
DO NOT LET HIM TAKE CONTROL OVER YOUR BOWELS
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