this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
he suggested i make a website called "cum on molly's face", to "start off my acting career"
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I just busted my ass on the ice in front of my entire AA meeting. As if being there wasn't embarrassing enough.
I'm way too horny to be at work right now. I think it might be legally irresponsible to leave me alone with cucumbers.
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
um so slept at robs. he woke up, looked at me, and said ' oh my psychiatrists are gonna have a field day with this one' I think that's when you know you can't hang out with someone anymore
You're a waste of cheezeits
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
But I'm currently thinking of all my bad decision making last night and giving myself a time out.
When the stripper from this weekend is your cashier at Publix the next day 😐💀#pensacolaproblems
The stripper was super into me until she pulled out my tits then I realized.... This bitch is just using my ass to get MORE TIPS
At the light, his mom pulled up next to us while I was giving him road head. He forgot to tell me she was meeting us at the movie. So long story short, I convinced her I drove myself, pick me up in 20.
FUCK WHALES
It's not a hangover, it's "slept on a couch with another person and said person moves a lot and is loud"
Randomize
