That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
Lady GaGa only went backwards in convincing me she's not a man at the VMAs.
dude your girlfriend is running naked down the hall with a raw chicken taped to her stomach saying this is what I'll look like pregnant...run far far away
Guy next to me is looking up how to press his own ecstasy pills. I'm going to befriend him and see where this goes
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
I'm just gonna eat nachos and wine fruit forever.
I seriously had alll four of your knuckles bruised into my arm
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
We kind of crashed their funeral party. Oops.
You kept flirting with some guy while I was throwing up on the sidewalk, and I screamed YOU DON'T LIKE MEN
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
Uhhh...I just found your 10 dollar bill in my bra. I owe you 10 dollars.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
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