I just saw a pregnant woman with a cigarette and a beer walking into the Larry the Cable Guy show. I'm glad my taxes are paying her medical expenses.
sorry about last night, I don't know what happened but I woke up this morning and looked strikingly similar to courtney love, it had to be bad.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
There was an ice luge. Lets just leave it at that.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
you are never too drunk for berry picking
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I made out with a girl because I wanted to get in the VIP section of the bar because they have these big comfy couches. It worked.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
