i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I guess you can say it's a tradition... whoever brings home the ugliest guy has to do all the cleaning the next day
I may be in pain from falling off the roof but getting to the morning roof keg was well worth it.
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I swear, he has the body awareness of an acid-tripping quadriplegic.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
I just puked behind a tree outside work, then walked past my manager with puke in my hair. Man, I'm gonna miss this when I get a real job.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
New guy at the liquor store was inexplicably fascinated by our huge jug of williams. First he said what are you gonna mix THAT with? and looked confused when I said air.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
That hot guy just got to class and he's eating a bagel sandwich. I dunno which I'm more attracted to
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
I'm telling you, I 'm beginning to think that my vagina is magical.
This Cougar is looking at me like I’m a piece of meat and buying me top shelf cocktails
I’m getting a fear boner thinking about what she might do to me
Randomize
