I created a new tequila drink. it is a mix of excitement and fear instilled in innocent people.
I don't think your that much of a whore. your like a whore-let. a mini whore.
This bar receipt from last night makes no sense
You were wasted and got mad that it was too high so you subtracted 50 bucks in the tip line from the total
I wish that would've worked
Do you ever just think "I could really go for a good 30 minute blowjob". I do. Everytime jill smiles.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
Is 'too horny to study' a good enough medical excuse to not take a final?
Drunk at ten am watching Californication re runs. Being divorced rules.
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
On a side note Tyler is buying beer from a gas station in a panda suit priceless
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
Come help me clean and have sexual intercourse with me
Bring breadsticks
Yeah you were fine except for when you peed under the bar
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
Grumpy Cat is dead and fuck EVERYTHING.
Randomize
