Nevermine. I'm just going to tell you on Myspace with a glitter graphic.
he said he "kind of had sex before.. Barely" i think it was one of those situations where you slide into home and get tagged out.
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
No matter what you may say to me. You will still be the guy that managed to get his own cum in his hair.
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
Mmhmmm. I have a list of drunk achievement that is almost as long as my list of stoned achievements
So I had sex with a hook nosed, lisping masadonian last night.
Glad that degree in literature is paying off. Nice adjectives. Maybe set the bar a little higher though?
My new years resolution is going to be to stop drunk snapchatting old hook ups asking them when we're going to bang again
We just catapulted a jelly bean off of his hard dick into his mouth.......Happy Easter!
Kinda hard to look your partner in the face the day after a rousing game of How Many Ways Can I Capture Your Penis.
I got conspiracy theory drunk.
Randomize
