last night i used 411 to try and contact britney spears.
dollar well spent
Is it bad that everytime I read or hear "Woo Hoo" I immediately think of sex because of The Sims?
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
would it be rude to tell a homeless man that he should sell the lebron jersey and brand new nikes he's wearing if he's really that hungry
Where does it all go? I've busted inside of you like 10 times in the last week.
Threw up 3 times on the lawn mower and then proceeded to crash it into a tree root and break it.
He texted me for a bootycall at 2:00am so I rolled outta bed and shaved my legs but then he decided he wasn't coming over...he lost his bootycall privileges
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
OH GOD NOT SANTA BABY. NO NO NO. YOU'RE LIKE 85. OMG MULTIPLE WOMEN. NO NO NO STAHP.
Well it's like a wise man once told me: "If you're going to shave your balls, don't do it hungover."
I made him dress me after we fucked. He put me in TMNT pants and then told me I looked hot.
If you get laid dressed as my dad that makes me extremely uncomfortable
Ya’ll! My debit card got switched with my boss’ at lunch today (both Red Wells Fargo)....I realized it at whole foods AFTER I ran it for $100 at Vanity Room getting my vaj waxed 🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️🤦🏻♀️. Most awkward IOU ever tomorrow.
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